Question: I love my Maid of Honor, but I'm afraid that she won't be able to handle all the responsibilities for my wedding in a timely manner. How do I make sure that she helps me with wedding planning and details without sounding pushy or bitchy?
Kaella: First, I believe it is important to establish what you expect from your MOH from the get go. Different brides have different needs from their wedding party, and with so many people throwing tradition out the window these days, it can be very confusing to the MOH what the expected duties actually are. Once you clarify what you expect of your MOH, it is important that she tell you if she feels she cannot manage the duties. She may have to respectfully decline, which is actually a blessing in disguise (though it probably won’t feel like it at the time). Hopefully your friend accepts the role of honor and with a clear outline of her duties can manage them without slacking. However, if she does fall behind, it’s time to call back-up. Ask a bridesmaid who you trust to offer to help your MOH. It would then be nice to give your bridesmaid a special gift to show your appreciation for her help, considering she took on duties without the title.
Rachel: I think it’s important to set expectations early on so that people know exactly what you need from them, and so they can tell you if they don’t think they can handle certain responsibilities. If you didn’t do that, it’s not too late! Say, “I was hoping you’d handle X, Y, and Z before the wedding. Here is what each task will entail. Is that something you are willing to do?” If she says yes, go over the details of your expectations so you’re on the same page. If the deadline is rapidly approaching and she still hasn’t taken action, ask her about it! “Hey, I know we agreed that you’d do X but I’m starting to get nervous you aren’t going to have the time to do it. What are your thoughts?” Remember that women often struggle to say no to people they care about, so don’t pressure her to say yes if it seems likely that she’s only going to get overwhelmed and drop the ball later. If she can’t do it, she can’t do it, and it’s time to reach out to others to jump in (or for you and your fiance to do it yourselves).
About our Kaella & Rachel:Kaella Wilson is the founder of Kaella Lynn Events, a wedding planning and design boutique based in San Francisco. She believes the difference is in the details. Whether you’re planning a grand event or an intimate celebration, Kaella combines artistic design with meticulous planning and management to produce a memorable event that represents your style. Follow her on twitter @KaellalynnRachel Wilkerson is a writer and community manager living in sin in Houston, TX. She also happens to be planning her wedding! You can see more of her writing on her brand-new blog The House Always Wins. Follow her on twitter @RachelGettingIt
Need more wedding advice? Read Kaella and Rachel's previous posts:
- How do you (politely) stop your future in-laws from taking over your wedding planning?
- How do you tell a friend she won't be a part of your bridal party?
- Is it okay to not allow children at your wedding?
- Should the bride and groom pay for the wedding party's attire?
LOVE OUR GREAT ADVICE? LET'S BE FRIENDS: