QUESTION: How do you politely tell your mom that you don’t want to wear her wedding dress on your wedding day?
Kaella's Answer: Now it is obvious the dress holds sentimental value for your mother. She’s been saving it all these years in hopes that her daughter would wear it. Therefore, you’ll want to tread lightly. I believe it’s important to find the balance between being honest but not offensive. Obviously you don’t want to hurt her, so it’s probably best not avoid saying things like, “the dress is outdated” or “it’s ugly.” Focus on what you do envision for your wedding dress instead of why you don’t want to wear hers.
If the dress doesn’t reflect your personal style or wedding vision, you can show her photos of the dresses you do like. Wouldn’t it be fun to share the wedding dress shopping experience together? Ask your mother to go to a bridal gown boutique with you to try on wedding dresses. I’m sure that is an experience she would appreciate, and seeing you try on different dresses could change her perspective.
Given she has saved her dress just for you, you may want to consider alternative ways of incorporating her dress in your wedding. Is it lace or tulle? If so, you may be able to use the fabric in your veil. You could even wrap your bouquet with some of the extra fabric. This may satisfy your mother’s need to incorporate her dress, without you having to wear it.
Whatever you decide, talk to you mother as soon as possible so as not to string her along. Be honest, but understand that it may take her a bit to accept that you will not wear her wedding dress.
Rachel's Answer: If your mom has her heart set on you wearing her dress and you just aren’t feeling it, you need to be kind but firm. Tell her that while she looked amazing in it, you would be more comfortable wearing [strapless/no lace/sequins/whatever]. Show her some examples of dresses you love; once you start gushing about them, she’s sure to see how excited you are to buy a dress that’s a great fit for you. And see if there is another way you can honor her and her dress! You could offer to wear your mom’s veil or have a piece of her dress incorporated into your bouquet.
About our Kaella & Rachel:Kaella Wilson is the founder of Kaella Lynn Events, a wedding planning and design boutique based in San Francisco. She believes the difference is in the details. Whether you’re planning a grand event or an intimate celebration, Kaella combines artistic design with meticulous planning and management to produce a memorable event that represents your style. Follow her on twitter @KaellalynnRachel Wilkerson is a writer and community manager living in sin in Houston, TX. She also happens to be planning her wedding! You can see more of her writing on her brand-new blog The House Always Wins. Follow her on twitter @RachelGettingIt.
Need more wedding advice? Read Kaella and Rachel’s previous posts:
- How do you (politely) stop your future in-laws from taking over your wedding planning?
- How do you tell a friend she won’t be a part of your bridal party?
- Is it okay to not allow children at your wedding?
- Should the bride and groom pay for the wedding party’s attire?
- What should I do if my MOH is slacking?
- What do you tell your family when you don’t want a wedding?
Image via Vitalic Photo
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