Well looks like that moment has come. You are the chosen one. Your best friend, sister, cousin, roommate from college turned to you and said “Will you be my maid of honor/best man?”
You of course said, “Yes!!”, as baby tears welled in your eyes and you bro hugged it out.
Once the excitement and clinking of glasses subsides you may begin to think to yourself – holy cow I have no idea what I’m supposed to do now. Follow these general rules and you will be the best best man or maid of honor this wedding party has ever seen!
1. Planning the Pre-Parties
One of the most important people in your life is tying the knot. This means it is time to party! Talk to the bride/groom and ask them how they imagine partying.
Vegas may be a cringe worthy experience they hope to avoid, and a joint wedding shower may be what they have in mind. The pre-parties can include everything from the engagement party to the bridal shower, and of course the bachelor/bachelorette parties. You may discover that the parents are taking care of the engagement party, leaving you to plan the bachelorette extravaganza. Talk it out. Live it up. This is (hopefully) the first and last time your best friend ties the knot.
2. Keep Your Cool
A bride and groom will normally have a checklist about a mile long they are trying to tackle on a daily basis. Literally everyone and their mom asks about the wedding from the time of engagement right up to the day of the ceremony. It can become exhausting and frustrating.
As MOH or BM your job is to be a sounding board, a person who offers a hand, someone who will take on the booking of hotel rooms for the wedding party, while the bride and groom negotiate for 2 months with the caterer.
3. Point Person for the Wedding Party
If you aren’t already, become friends with the rest of the wedding party, get their cell phone numbers, friend them on Facebook, and become that point person. Let them know they can turn to you, because Jack is too busy telling his mom that a small, intimate wedding means he does NOT want an announcement taken out in the local newspaper.
4. Help Make Decisions
Even though the pin board “My Perfect Someday” has been filled with approximately 6,000 pins, the bride may find that her idea of "perfect" changes as budgets, different opinions, and reality come into play. The bride may think that her dream wedding features her wedding party decked out in sequin maxi skirts and fur shawls, but as she begins to think of her bridesmaids' own style and considers a summer wedding, these ideas of "perfection" normally fly out the window.
A bride and groom will lean on their appointed MOH and BM to help make the tough decisions like bow tie or skinny tie. A good bride and groom will respect and appreciate the opinions of their chosen ones!
5. Write a Damn Good Speech
There will come a point on the day of the wedding, after about a bottle or two of champagne, that you will be called to the front of the reception to give a speech. The pressure! My advice to you: write it beforehand. Do not get up there and wing it because what might come out of your mouth is, “More champagne, yummy”, which doesn’t exactly leave the bride and groom feeling the love.
Make it personal, not embarrassing, and do your best to include the couple not just the individual.
6. Keep the Bride and Groom in Mind
At the end of the day, this is their day and their celebration of eternal companionship, and if they think a yellow and purple wedding is dreamy let them go for it. If all the bride wants is a bridal party weekend she has no part in planning, plan it for her and do you best not to complain. Yes, your conversations may turn into 95% wedding 5% normal life, but realize that it is only for a short period of time and soon your conversations will go back to 100% normal life.
Now that you know the 411 on being the best Maid of Honor or Best Man ever, it's time to go forth and nail it! For the past MOH or BMs in the crowd, what would your advice be? Let us know in the comments!
Jenny Preston grew up in Delray Beach, FL in a home filled with unique pieces from other eras and dreaming of wedding planning. She now owns her own wedding planning and vintage rental company, Jenny Does Weddings, with her fiancé, where she offers brides and grooms advice with a look into her own wedding planning and styling adventures. Follow Jenny Does Weddings on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest.